05 January 2012

~Brutus Tells a Tail~

The other day,
Brutus went for his daily romp.
His usual 2 hour, out-and-about to check
out all things interesting to a cat.
Brutus usually stays within the perimeter of our house.
But mostly, 
he hangs out in the 
woods right behind our home.
When the trees are missing all their leaves,
I can always spot the blob, 
of Jelly-Belly Brutus,
in all his glory of black and white fluffiness,
as he makes his way through the jungle.

After he had been gone a few hours,
I spotted him by the wood pile and went out to get him.
He walked towards me, looking a little beat-up, 
dragging his fluffy tail behind him.
Not the usual bounding back-to-the-house,
as full of himself or more, than when he left!

And then I saw all the little wounds on his face, nose, and ears.
Battle scars.
The true marks of being Knighted as a King Cat 
in the Feline World!

And as his feline brother's and sister's
gathered around him,
this is the Tail he told....

i was walkin' through the forest like i does everyday.
making sure the all the forest-critters know
i's on patrol.
brother Bo asked me to scout out some catnip
on my travels.

so i strapped on my ski's.
my little mousey friend led the way!
i may be a cat but thems little mice's are my friends!
{besides, they ain't that tasty..burp}
i walked and i walked until my paws was 
a hurtin' lookin' for that catnip for brother Bo!
and then i see's it.
a big sign.
i knows i walked way, way too far!
all the way into the little town.

i membered the last time i was in town.
it was for surgery.
you knows..that surgery!
"Forget about that", Bo shouted! 
"Get on with the adventure!"
"Yeah!" all the cats said in unison.

Brutus smiled a sly smile.
so i see's the big sign!
i knows mama shops there!
i knows they gots lots of kitty food.
treats and toys and catnip for brother bo!

so's i make my way in,
slinkin between aisles so nots to be noticed.
i slip into the girls department 
and gets me a little girly purse ,
'cause i can't put all the loot i wants into
my jelly-belly tummy rolls!

and then i find it.
i thoughts i heard the Angels Singing!
two whole aisles of Feline Heaven!

"Tell Us!" shouted the whiskered audience!

i fills my bag up with
jingle balls
little fuzzy mice
toys, toys, toys,
and cat nip for Brother Bo!

i wants to look around more.
i bet they got fishies in there!
but i knowin' mama probably lookin' for me
in the forest by now.
i makes my way to big scary doors that 
open and close like magic!

and then it happened.
a big man in a blue outfit,
with a shiny star on his chest
nabbed me by the scruff of my neck!
i screamed so loud there was people 
running to the magic doors to see
what the Feline Fuss was all about!

People shouted, 
"Put him down",
"Yeah, he ain't hurting anything",
"FREE the Fat Feline!"
Free Jelly-Belly Brutus!
Fat Cats have rights too!
Free Brutus!
wally world was havin' a feline riot!

i's a smilin under my whiskers
and my fat feet were runnin' in the air,
as that mean man helded me up in the air,
tellin' me to drop my loot!
instead, he dropped me.
i took off runnin' out the magic doors and to the side 
of the building.
all i kepts thinking was,
"oooh, my mama is gonna be mad!"

i found an old pile of almost dead Christmas trees.
i climbed in the pile to hide.
let me tell you, i was scratched all over.
blood was a drippin' down my nose and chin.
those trees hurt like a dickins'
i's kept thinkin' 'bout my poor handsome face...

then i hear it.
the four-legged sound like Zeke.
all huffin' and puffin' and whinin'.
 i hears the man in the blue uniform, with the shiny star,
say, "Get the cat, Igor!" 

now i lives with 3 canines.
they ain't the sharpest tools in the shed.
so i takes one of them jingle balls,
and use my big, fat paw to launch it!
and that drooling police dog, Igor..
well, he runs after it like a puppy chasin' a squirrel!

i laughed and laughed and laughed!
until i feels the man with the shiny star on his chest,
nab me on the neck and throws me in the back
of that scary car with cage separating the front seat and backseat.
and he runs off to get stupid, igor the police mutt!

i may be a jell-belly, 
but it comes in handy when i needin'
to hide sumthpin'.
i tucked that bag in my belly roll and sats in the car waitin'.

then that man with the shiny badge and Igor
gets in car.
me and Igor ridin' in the back.
let me tell you all,
that dog had some stinky breath when he licked
all the Christmas tree wounds on my furry face!

we wents to an office filled with lots of people 
wearin' shiny badges and filled out 
lots of forms.
i gots to have my picture taken!
and answer lot's of questions!
thems 2 things i loves.
havin' my picture made and
talkin' 'bout me!

then the man says he take me home!
thats i going to be released on my own promise
that i won't do nuttin' like this again.
i puts my paw on some ink and stamp it
on them important papers!
i's some feline!

i asked mister policeman to drop me off by the forest,
 so i's can walk home.
i sats in wood pile for a while.
thinkin' 'bout my trip to the little city
and lickin' my wounds.
i smilin a lot 'bout my day!
i had what they call
an adventure!

then mama came out and got me!

"i wanna go to town with brutus!"
yeah, and get more loot?"
"you are a King Feline, Brutus!"
The feline peanut gallery shouted!
And Brutus grinned from whisker to whisker!
And then I watched Brutus walk off 
with a swagger in his step 
and a grin on that whiskered face.
Brutus slept all the rest of Monday.
Tuckered out from his big day in the little town!

Of course, Brutus always tells Tall Tails!
The other felines look up to him.
That night, I whispered in his ear that he 
needed to tell the Felines about his 
Tall Tail being just that.

He just kept snoozing.
With a wry whiskered grin.

And later that night, as I picked up the house,
I decided to check the little spot where
Brutus stashes all things important to him.

To my surprise and amazement, I found this...
Evidence of his Tall Tail!

thanx for readin' 
'bout my adventure!
i gots lots more tails to tell.

and let me know if you 
would sign my petition for
wally-world to start lettin' in
Jelly-belly Kleptco cats!
that just ain't right.
skinny cats get all the breaks!

love and whiskered kisses!
your good friend,

in no way do we condone
shoplifting from wally-world
or discriminating against
Fat or Skinny Felines.

all pictures courtesy of wallco.net


Donna said...

Brutus .. tell that sweet Momma of yours that you sure did bring a smile to my face. You try to stay out of trouble :0
Love you Brutus and tell you Mommy I said HI!

Julie Harward said...

Very cute...you need to be writing books, you certainly have the animals and the imagination for it! :D

Diane Cayton-Hakey said...

Awww, look at his poor scratched up face. Makes me wanna give him a pat on the head. :-(

Lynne said...

I think you might have found your calling . . . writing children's stories . . . seriously.

Brutus . . ., if you made it to WallMart yesterday, I know you can talk too. Tell momma she needs to begin writing a series of animal stories . . . She has it in her, I know she does . . . just think how well known you would become . . . already you are well known "In the Land of Blog" . . . So get with it and talk to momma . . .

Let me know what she says . . .

TexWisGirl said...

i was SO worried that the magic doors were going to catch you (or your fat belly roll or your fluffy tail!) :) stay safe, brutus!

rosedel said...

Oh that was a wonderful tail!

Deb said...

Okay, you need to make that into a childrens book or even an entire series about the jelly belly cat:) Really!

His face is so pitiful with the scratches. Give him a hug for me.

Jeanette said...

That is so funny! Look at poor Brutus with the boo-boos on his face!

Jeni said...

Very cute story of Brutus the Kelpto-kitty!

Country Dreaming said...

Oh, Brutus. Hope your wounds heal soon.


Farmhouse Style Living said...

Oh Brutus you just crack me up! I would let you in Walmart if I worked there! You have a great mom for taking it all in stride like that! You didn't eat any "jailbirds" while you were in the slammer did ya?!

Donna said...

Oh my word!!!!! I LOVE THIS STORY! I was laughing out loud by the time I got to Brutus running his fat feet in the air. Your are creatively crazy in the best kind of way, ROFL!

Beth said...

oh, my poor Brutus... i sure hope he will heal quickly. i think you need to find him a bodyguard or at least a police escort. seems fair & would be a totally cool event. i can see it now. (:

Maura @ Lilac Lane Cottage said...

LOL how cute! Yes I think Brutus needs to write a book about his adventures...poor little guy's nose looks sore. Oh I'm sure he could tell some good ones ;) Hope your day is a good one Misha...hugs
Maura :)

Amy said...

You are hillarious girl!!! Or excuse me, I mean Brutus...loved your mug shot...sex: happily neutered....or maybe not!!! ROFLMAO!!! Hahahahaha, thanks for this Friday night laugh, you should definitely be writing books...I totally got into the "voice" of Brutus as he was telling his tail/tale....hehehehe...
Have a great evening my friend :-)))) BIG HUGS

Rural Revival said...

Oh Brutus you are a wonderful story teller! I do declare you have quite a way with words!

I know a couple of kids who must read this story pronto. And I am so sorry it took me so long to read it cause you had me hook, line and sinker.

And by the way, dear Brutus, I really do think your feet are a little misunderstood. I don't think there would be any discrimanatory glances at your feet should you try shopping at Wal-Mart north of the border. Come see for yourself!

Aunt Andie