15 April 2011

Mountain ramblings...acceptance, happiness, and a little smile~

It's a beautiful spring day here!
The birds are chirping and the breeze is just lovely~

But,I am having *one of those days*.
And because we are all friends here-
well, I am just putting it out there.
Not for pity or comments.
Because it is part of who I am.
I share so much {happy} here!
But, I also try to share my real life.
And my real life is living in the mountains,
caring for 5 horses,
3 pups,
and a herd of felines.
My real life is sharing my love for J,
and the sometimes quirkiness of a marriage!
Oh, and sharing how much I adore him...
My real life is also learning how to manage my Fibro

It seems my Fibromyalgia has taken a new turn.
Those of you that deal with this probably understand.

For the last two years, I seemed to flow along
with a lot good days.
And then, Wham!
I would be by a Flare.
Where all my daily symptoms just escalated
into me being not able to function.

In the last six months, everything has slowly been changing.
As my Doc puts it~
I have finally moved into my
*real life with Fibro*
~Some days are horrid.
~Some days I just get through.
~Some days, even though I am not living my *former life* it is OK,
"my new normal" and I wish I could stay there!
~And as always, I never know when all those daily and nightly symptoms
will converge and I will be in a
depressing, crying jag, just-can't-function-ball-of-pain, FLARE.

Recently, I had someone say me,
~It's not like you have a terminal illness~
A little rude?
I think so.
I know I do not.
But, with any huge health change in our lives,
I believe acceptance is the hardest part.
To know we won't ever return to what was....
I stood in the kitchen last week,
with tears streaming down my face telling J
"I just want ME back"
I want the old me back that used to get up at the crack at of dawn.
Ready to go!
Now when I wake up in the morning,
I have to wait until my brain understands what my body wants to do.

It is what it is!
My new motto....

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
On to some happiness!
April 15th is our anniversary.

Here is a snippet of my converastion with J last night-

J-filling out some forms for school.
"How long have we been married?

M-I just look at him.
You know, *the look*

J-Eight years. Right?

M-*the look*, again!


M-*the look of sheer disbelief*

J-"Has it really been nine years!"

M-"It's been SIX years"

OK. To give J a little credit here,
we have been together for over eleven years.
And, yes. We got married on tax day!

I am such a lucky girl.
He really does complete me....
Happy Anniversary to us!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~  ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

And for your giggle of the day!
What I found upon walking into the living room last night!

Dogs drool. Cat's Rule!

Have a splendid day!


Julie Harward said...

That was no giggle...it was a right out there belly laugh! Cats do rule, thats for sure! I am sorry about all that you have to suffer Misha..wish I could help, but I hear you and I am sending you my love and respect.
Happy Anniversary guys...have a wonderful day together! ;D

texwisgirl said...

Happy anniversary, Misha & J! And Ms. Misha, I know you miss your old self - I can't imagine. And my heart goes out to J as well since he doesn't always wake up to the same person either. But you two sound so strong together, and that is a blessing. Take in the beauty around you as you deal with that pain. Big hugs to you. Your photos are lovely today! And those last 2 are priceless!!!

Deb said...

The cat and dog pic is FUNNY! Aren't our animals such a great form of entertainment? Happy Anniversary to you two love birds. My sister and brother-in-law were also married on April 15th and they never forget their anniversary, unlike me and my hubby.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you to have NO depressing, crying jag, just-can't-function-ball-of-pain, FLARE days!!! Stay strong! I use the phrase "it is what it is" at least once a day lately, teehee.

The sun filled pictures are gorgeous.

Golden To Silver Val said...

Your honesty is deep Misha. How many times have I said the very same thing..."I just want ME back". I do so miss the things I used to do...I took it for granted...never dreaming that eventually, doing those same things would put me in so much pain. Sending you big virtual hugs and a prayer that some day soon a med will come out to help us....really help us. Feel better soon, dear one.

Sherry@ Ties2ThePast said...

Oh Misha...I'm so sorry this happens to you!
I don't have that problem but I'm closing in on my 60th birthday in 2 years & my body reminds me...daily!! I also just want me back....evne if it's a 50 year old me...ha!
Don't get me wronh, I've won a battle with cancer so I'm eternally grateful for everything I have, including a WONDERFUL husband!
Be thankful, keep your chin up, & know you are loved by all your family & friends!!!

Kate said...

My daughter has MS and is finding it hard to deal with it right now. She likes to hike with her husband and can no longer go far as her legs bother her. I can understand your frustration of wanting "you" back. All I can tell you both is this is the card you have been dealt and you will learn to live with it(or around it.) You are stil you and you have so many who love you and care for you so on your good days we will run with you and on your bad days we will walk by your side. I pray both these dreaded diseases will be cured and soon. God bless you and J on your anniversary.

Rural Revival said...

You know I thought of you as I drove home tonight, the sun roof was open and I could smell the countryside and feel the warmth of the sun on my head and I thought of that post you liked, Metamorphosis. And then I went for a walk and I still had you on my mind. I need to write Misha, I thought, we're over due for a real chat not just our fun banter back and forth. Now I see, Sister Friend that you and I are so in synch with each other.

I know you're putting this out there because it is part of life, part of your life and part of who you are and your days can be hell and I in no means want to diminish someone who is suffering with a life threatening illness, but we're all terminal and life is short. Too short sometimes. I get knocked out by the flu for a week and I feel like I'm going to go crazy. This is your normal and it breaks my heart and don't ever think you can't put it out there because it doesn't deserve attention. It does. You do. You bring so much joy to so many people through this blog and I for one want to share the good and the bad with you. That's what life is all about. That's what friends are for. That's what sisters do.

LYLAS forever,

PS. I'll be up all night wondering how in the world did Baby Girl get into that 'situation'? Oh yes, kitties do rule. : )

PPS. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY to the cutest couple ever!

Linda@Coastal Charm said...

Happy Anniversary!!! I'm so sorry to hear about your illness...my sister also has this and she is also having a tough time with it. I will keep you in my prayers that you get relief and have more good days than bad.


PS My little chocolate bunny was so gooood!!!

Donna said...

Happy Anniversary! You and J are so lucky to have each other.
Bless you! I don't have fibro but I can relate. In 2001 I went into the hospital for a routine surgery and everything that could have gone wrong went wrong! I was on a ventilator for 3 weeks in ICU. A miracle that I am here. My lungs are permanently damaged ...I have the equivalency of about 1 good lung. I cry the same thing wishing I could do the things I once did. I can't even go up a flight of stairs without being out of breath. It is hard ... I know adjusting to a "new" me is difficult.
You are in my prayers! Hang in there girlfriend!!!

Kim said...


I am so sorry that you have to go through this valley.

I was completely unable to function for close to two years. In bed much of the time. I couldn't imagine ever being without violent pain again.

Lots of prayer, physical therapy, meds, Mayo Hospital's Pain Clinic, and massive nutritional supplements have worked together to give me my life back. I still have flares occasionally, but they are dramatically shorter and less intense.

I share this with you to give you hope. The way it is now is not the way it always will be.

I will start praying for you now!

Love, Kim

p.s. please let me know if I can help you in any way.

Snappy Di said...

Oh,,, *lots of laughter* THAT is one patient dog.

Sorry you are not feeling well... I simply could not imagine what you must go through each day with the fibro.

Sending a huge hug to you today, Misha... OH, and I almost forgot. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO YOU AND THE J DUDE!


Renée Finberg said...

love this.
thanks for the smiles!

Amy said...

Hello my dear friend, Happy Anniversary to you and your beloved J! May you have many many more wonderful years together!

First the wind chimes..I love them too. My mom brought me one on her last trip here and I hang it by the apartment...when it rings I think of her...I think it's beautiful!

I feel so much sympathy for you and the loss of who you use to be. Yes, you're still here and you're not leaving us, but yes, your life has changed and unfortunately not for the better. I can't imagine how hard it must be and hope I never find out. I understand your tears and it's good you can let them out...it's good you don't pretend everything is fine when it isn't. Accepting your feelings has got to be one of the strongest things in combating this illness. Just like accepting the limitations you face as well. I wish you many "normal" days where you can be yourself...and hope your hard days are limited my friend...I wish I could give you a big hug right now...I'll send you a cyber one which will have to do until we meet!!

Loved baby girl under the pillow!! Your cat looked quite comfortable..but to be honest so did Baby girl!!! ;-)))

Have a wonderful anniversary my friend!! Big hugs from Norway!

Karen said...

LOL.. now how did THAT happen??...

Happy Anniversary!!! and here's to more better days than bad.

The White Farmhouse said...

Happy Anniversary to the two of you! I hope that you have many more years together!

I know what you mean about the disease. It is also hard to see someone going through the effects of it also. My dad is dealing with dimentia and every day I lose more and more of him. I just hope that the little time I have with him aware is the best.

Much love to you my friend. It breaks my heart to know a sweet person like you is having to deal with this!

Old Centennial Farmhouse said...

This chronic condition is a wicked one, I have a sister (actually more than one sister) who suffers with it, and...all I know is that I can hear it in her voice when she's having a flare up, she sounds like a completely different person.

I sure wish I knew what to say, I have a much longer rice bag that I make from a table runner, do you think having a giant rice bag would help? My sister says that when she's having a flare up, she wishes she could have a whole bedful of rice bags. If you think that might help, my friend, I would sure be glad to make you one and send it down to TN to my friend!

Thistle Cove Farm said...

No, Misha, that wasn't a little rude, that was a LOT rude! Some people should have their mouths duck taped shut until their brain cells have regenerated!
If fibro terminal? Yes, in the sense that so is life. From the first breath but we count our blessings anyway and, like the ole feller said, "if you're going through hell, keep going; don't stop!"
Happy A to you and J. Dave and I always celebrate IF either of us remembers our anniversary; seems we always forget.

Country Dreaming said...

Blessings and prayers to you for some comfort with the "Flares."
Changes within our bodies are hard to take and trying tolive with these changes is hard too. I know that you will find ways to deal with these as they come along.
Good Luck.

Hope you have a spectacular
anniversary with J!

The pics of the animals are priceless!


gowestferalwoman said...

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! ALL uhmm what was the final tally? ALL 6 years and 11 years total of sheer bliss lol!

And heres hoping that 2011 brings you a heavy tally of GOOD DAYS, no flares!